


From Between the Lines (Sanders Sides)

by Randomhowlter



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 02:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12267420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomhowlter/pseuds/Randomhowlter
Summary: Anxiety and Creativity find their relationship slowly snowballing over time.  But Anxiety finds himself wondering if he's sustainable for any kind of positive relationship.





	From Between the Lines (Sanders Sides)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a Prinxiety fanfic I've spent quite a bit of time on. It's not my best work, because it's a little hard to work with characters that exist in someone else's mind. BUT I worked really hard on it, and I'm kind of proud of the result. Most of the fic is set leading up to the Accepting Anxiety storyline, but the last part is set after. There are various references to other Sanders' Sides videos. Enjoy!

“Anxiety?”

Anxiety jerked up. No one ever came to his room. He glanced around, eyes catching Creativity’s bright red sash.

“...Yeah?” he said cautiously.

“I just wanted to compliment you on your...unique...perspective on Disney movies. The ones you brought up in Thomas’ video today?”

“Um...thanks?” Anxiety was confused. Creativity hated him, there was no reason for him to be here now. They never talked about what happened in videos. Creativity shuffled awkwardly as Anxiety stared curiously at him. “Was that all?” Anxiety prompted.

“No...I’m sorry! I mean...I just wanted to...never mind!” he rushed nervously, before sinking out of view.

Anxiety sat frozen in his spot for a few moments more before mumbling, “Ok…” and going back to Tumblr.

***********************

Anxiety was upset. He was feeling...well, anxious. He could feel his breathing beginning to get shallow, and knew he was about to cause Thomas to have an anxiety attack. He couldn’t help it, oftentimes, he would mostly black out for the duration of them, but he knew he would yell worries and anxieties into Thomas’ subconscious, and whenever he came to in the aftermath, he would see Morality racked with pain, and Logic either babbling incoherently or just completely unconscious. Creativity was never anywhere to be found in those times. Sometimes, after particularly bad ones, Anxiety felt as though he killed Creativity completely, but he would always turn back up after Thomas had rested a little. Anxiety figured Creativity was too weakened to leave his room during the attacks.

He hated having that effect on them, hated knowing he was the one putting them in pain. As much as possible, he would try not to cause an attack, or to at least isolate it to his own room if he could.

He wandered Thomas’ mind, trying to even his breathing, when he came across what could only be described as a royal quarters. Creativity’s room. He entered, still counting his breaths, and whispered, “Creativity?” There was no response, so Anxiety took a few more cautious steps, shrinking into himself slightly.

He felt a little better already, being in Creativity’s room. He heard a faint voice coming from what looked to be the closet. Stepping closer, he could hear Creativity’s voice singing...Car Radio? By Twenty One Pilots?

Anxiety giggled, feeling more and more at ease. He knocked on the door, to which Creativity screamed in surprise.

The door flew open, “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF-oh. Anxiety. Um...What did you hear?”

Anxiety chuckled, “Enough. Twenty One Pilots? Didn’t know you were a fan, Princey.”

“I simply admire their...unique...lyrics...What are you doing here anyway?” he abruptly changed the subject.

Anxiety blushed. “Well, um, I wasn’t feeling great, and I didn’t want to cause an attack so I went for a walk and ended up here.” He cursed himself internally for being so candid with his current state.

Creativity blinked. “You...didn’t want to cause an attack?”

Anxiety looked away, hoping his hoodie hid the gathering tears in his eyes. He knew, of course, that the others assumed him to enjoy bringing Thomas pain, but for some reason, that assumption hurt more coming from Creativity. “I hate causing you guys pain, I try not to cause attacks, I just...consume myself sometimes.”

Creativity voice softened, “I didn’t mean that, I guess I just don’t really understand how it all works. I’m glad you feel better being here.”

Anxiety glanced up and smiled slightly. “Thanks, Creativity.” He turned to go.

“...Roman.”

Anxiety turned back around. “Huh?”

“My name. That’s...my name. If you need help at any point, I respond quicker to it than to Creativity or Princey.”

“Roman. I like it,” Anxiety smiled.

“Also, if you ever want to...sing some Disney songs with me...I just- I know that calms you down sometimes, so if you ever need…” he trailed off.

“I may take you up on that, Roman.” Anxiety disappeared before Roman could say another word.

***********************

“Anxiety!”

Anxiety jumped sharply at the sound of Roman’s flamboyant voice. “Geez, Roman, have you heard of knocking? I could’ve been naked in here.” Roman turned beet red and Anxiety couldn’t help chuckling evilly, “I’m kidding. We don’t exactly have physical bodies, remember?”

Roman let out a nervous laugh, “Ha, yeah, of course.”

“What’s up?” Anxiety asked, settling back into his beanbag and setting his laptop aside.

“Nothing, just thought we could hang out.” It had become increasingly more common for them to spend time together, taking turns picking songs, and sometimes discussing fashion (though they still feigned disdain of each other during videos. Anxiety found the rivalry tension kind of hot, but he would never admit that to Roman. They were just friends...). Roman found Anxiety to be surprisingly interested (and good at) stylistic choices, and would sometimes come to him for advice for an idea for Thomas.

“In my room?” They had never hung out in Anxiety’s room, and he was a little uneasy as to what effect that may have on Roman. “Sure, ok.”

He moved to drag another beanbag across the room and Roman happily flopped down, stealing the one Anxiety had just occupied.

Anxiety rolled his eyes and sat in the new beanbag. They took turns picking music, going from Disney to My Chemical Romance to Twenty One Pilots to Halsey to Troye Sivan.

And they talked, occasionally pausing from their karaoke to discuss the meaning of a certain line or song overall.

After a few songs, Anxiety noticed Roman was getting quite shrill. He seemed almost scatter-brained.

“Noo, it’s so upsetting how Rapunzel was manipulated by Mother Gothel. Eugene! Loved! Her!” Roman began crying, covering his face.

Anxiety was beginning to get alarmed. “Uh, Roman? Are you ok?”

Roman rubbed his eyes and said, “Yeah, yeah, I just don’t feel my sparkliest,” he sighed, pulling his hands away from his face, and Anxiety jumped up at the sight of smudged dark eye shadow that had appeared below Roman’s eyes.

“Ok, we’re getting you out of here.” He pulled Roman up with him, trying to take him back to his own room.

“No! C’mooon Virgil!” Roman whined, and Anxiety blinked in surprise. Virgil? “We’re having a good time!”

Anxiety filed his questions for later, and finally managed to drag Roman back to his own room, with promises of chocolate and Disney karaoke. The eyeshadow disappeared as soon as they left Anxiety’s corner of Thomas’ mind, and by the time they got back to Roman’s corner, he seemed himself again.

“Wow! That was quite...interesting,” Roman mused.

“I guess you guys can’t spend too much time in my room without getting affected. It makes sense, I suppose, it is the darkest corner of Thomas’ mind, after all. That might explain why I always feel better in your room, too.” Anxiety took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. “That...really scared me, to be honest. I was worried you might not get better once you left, and...it would have been my fault…” he trailed off.

Roman looked at him softly. “It was most certainly not your fault. I was the one who so foolishly insisted on staying in your room, and it’s not as if either of us knew the effect it would have.”

“Well, I guess we know now.” Anxiety shrugged. He frowned. “Hey, quick question. Who’s Virgil?” He tried to hide his conflicted feelings over Roman’s mistake.

Roman blinked fast. Was he blushing? “Uh...Well…” he shifted nervously, “Firstly, please don’t hate me.”

Anxiety was growing more...anxious. He waited.

“Virgil is the name I came up with for you. I thought about how Patton and Logan and I all have our own names, and you didn’t seem to, or at least you didn’t tell me one, so I thought of one that I thought might fit you. My apologies, if you already have a different name you use.”

Anxiety grinned slowly. “I don’t have a name I use besides anxiety.” He paused, and Roman looked tense. “I like it.”

Roman let out a breath he had been holding, then clapped, “Hurrah! I’m so happy you do!” In his excitement, he grabbed Anxi--er--Virgil, and kissed him. Virgil froze, and Roman pulled away just as quickly, covering his mouth with both hands, and taking three steps back, as if he didn’t trust himself not to do it again.

Virgil blinked and cleared his throat. “How am I supposed to rate your kissing skills when you pull away so fast?” he said, flashing his wicked smirk, “I only got, like, a 2/10.” Roman giggled nervously behind his hands. Virgil stepped forward experimentally. Roman did not move. Virgil continued moving towards him, placing a careful hand on Roman’s cheek, and leaned towards him, connecting their lips smoothly. Roman kissed back rather enthusiastically.

Virgil pulled away with a breathy gasp, blushing. He regained composure quickly. “Hm...3/10,” he teased.

“Ugh! Excuse you!” Roman huffed indignantly.

Virgil laughed. “Fine, I’m feeling gracious enough. I’ll give you a 5.”

Roman’s mouth twitched as he tried not to smile. “I suppose I should make you suffer through more of my abominable kisses as punishment for insulting me.” He moved towards Virgil with an exaggerated lip pucker.

“Spare me, please!” Virgil whined, but made no move to back away. “Is it weird to kiss when we have the same face?” he asked, chuckling, as they pulled away again.

Roman thought for a moment. “Nah. Like you said, we’re simply part of Thomas’ mind, we don’t have physical form. We could take the form of anyone we wanted. Brangelina. Cinderella and Prince Charming. Phan. Thomas and Joan. Joan and Talyn. We could roleplay every ship to ever exist!”

Virgil smiled fondly at how carried away Roman got with an idea. “Well I’m lazy, and I kinda like your face, so this works just fine. Besides, Logan and Patton don’t seem bothered.”

Roman pouted, “Of course you like my face, it’s your face!” He pounced playfully, knocking Virgil to the floor, and kissed him again. He paused. “Logan and Patton? What?!”

Virgil stared up at him innocently, “What? You didn’t know?” he teased.

“How did you?!” Roman squealed.

“I tend to...appear suddenly, remember?” Virgil flashed his trademark smirk.

Roman rolled his eyes, and Virgil ended the conversation by ducking upwards, catching Roman’s bottom lip in his teeth. Roman pulled away, instead nuzzling his lips against Virgil’s ear while brushing his fingers across the skin beneath his hoodie. Virgil began giggling and squirming beneath him. “Stop! Stop!”

Roman looked at him curiously, “Virgil! Are you ticklish?”

“No!” Virgil sputtered, trying to catch his breath. “I’m just...sensitive to touch.” He blushed fiercely, realizing what he had implied, while Roman grinned amusedly above him. He wiggled his fingers, moving his hand towards Virgil, who promptly jumped up and ran away. Laughing, Roman followed.

***********************

Roman exploded into his room. “I CAN’T BELIEVE PATTON SAID THAT! HE’S RIGHT, WE’RE BASICALLY THE SAME IDEA AS INSIDE OUT, HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID?! Oh my god, none of my ideas are original! I might as well leave, I’m retiring!”

Virgil watched from the bed amusedly. “Of course you’re original, Roman. How else do we get 8 million followers on Vine and more than a million on Youtube?”

“I don’t know! I have no idea why people care about us! And you said yourself that I'm not original.” Roman huffed, storming back and forth across the room.

Virgil frowned, hopping off the bed. “Hey, insecurity’s my job. And that's not what I said. I was giving you a hard time during the video, because that's what we always do,” he joked, then continued more seriously, “Look at me. Roman! Stop moving for a second!” Virgil maneuvered after him, clapping his hands on Roman’s shoulders.

Roman blinked rapidly, meeting his eyes. His hair had fallen into his face, and Virgil carefully brushed it back. “I'm sorry about upsetting you with what I said in the video, but Roman, look at all the things you’ve done. When we did Narrating Other People’s Lives on Vine? That was amazing! It was hilarious, and forced me out of my comfort zone enough to learn to be flexible. It was so beautiful to see how different people reacted to it. It brought out a little actor in everyone.” Roman sniffed, but his mouth quirked up the slightest bit. Virgil spurred on. “Come on, we have the coolest videos! The jokes are so creative! And Patton’s wrong, we’re not like Inside Out. Those were just emotions, we’re each so much deeper and represent so much more than that.”

Roman had calmed down significantly, “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” He grinned. “You didn’t bring up any negatives.”

Virgil smirked slightly. “I suppose I’ll have to avoid you now. Your endless spirit is rubbing off on me.” Roman pulled him into a hug.

***********************

Roman and Patton were debating about something or other, when Patton suddenly doubled over in pain. “Patton?! What’s wrong?” Roman cried, alarmed.

“Argh, it’s fine, I’m fine,” Patton mumbled between whimpers of pain.

“No, you aren’t.” Roman was starting to feel it too. He was starting to fade a little. “Let’s get you to your room, you should lie down.”

As soon as he had gotten Patton to his room, he sprinted as quickly as he could with his fading strength to Virgil’s room. He stopped cold to hear a bloodcurdling scream rip from the room. “Virgil!”

“No! You shouldn’t be here Roman! Get out!” he screamed.

Roman had no idea what to do. Virgil was often silent during anxiety attacks, sometimes fully frozen, unable to move or speak. He had never screamed and shouted before. He was throwing things everywhere, breaking whatever he could.

“Virgil! What’s wrong?!” Roman had to do something soon. The effect Virgil’s room had on him was much stronger with Virgil in this state.

“I can’t! I can’t! I’m just--ARGH! Everything is--It’s just too much! I can’t deal with it all! The stress from romances and performances and working and friends and family! There’s just so much that can go wrong, and so much to juggle, and I’m paralyzed!”

“Virgil! I know it’s a lot but you have to calm down! Come on, how about some Disney songs?”

“I’m sorry, Roman, I’m way past Disney songs at this point!” he yelled, before abruptly imploding, deflating with a sob. “You have to leave, I’m dangerous to be around like this, you have to go. Please, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Roman hesitated. There was no way he would leave Virgil alone. Heck, even if he wanted to, he felt too weak to move anymore. He chanced a step toward Virgil, before collapsing, unconsciousness creeping into his vision. “Virge…”

Virgil looked at him in shock, tears streaming. He had to pull it together. He had to get Roman out of here. Ok, inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Roman taught him that. Continuing his paced breathing, he put his arms beneath Roman and hoisted, grunting as he lifted him up.

Virgil made his way to Roman’s room, concentrating on his breathing and the calming memories he had with Roman. He finally arrived, heaving Roman up onto the bed, breathing hard. He felt better in Roman’s room. Once he had calmed down enough, he went to go check on Patton and Logan.

They were both in Patton’s room. Patton was awake, but still in a little bit of pain, while Logan had passed out beside him. Patton smiled weakly at him when he came in, “Hi, kiddo.”

Virgil’s eyes filled with tears seeing what he had caused, but he couldn’t let himself consume everything again. He took a deep breath, “Hi, Patton.”

Patton looked curiously at him for a while, his arm around Logan, “What happened there, Anxiety?”

Virgil winced. “I don’t know...I got overwhelmed. I think...I think I should go.”

Patton carefully disentangled his arm from Logan, sitting up slowly. “What?”

Virgil sighed, “You’re all better off without me. All I do is cause pain.”

“That’s not true,” Patton insisted.

“Patton, I appreciate that you like to be supportive of everyone, but I just don’t deserve that, ok? I’ve brought nothing but negativity and discomfort.” Virgil turned away, but Patton’s next words stopped him cold.

“What about Roman?”

Virgil choked, holding back a sob. “What about him?” he said, not looking back at Patton.

He felt Patton’s hand on his shoulder, and he jumped slightly, not realizing Patton had come up behind him. “You love him, don’t you?” Patton said softly. It was more of a statement than a question.

Virgil broke. He said nothing, simply...deflated. He didn’t bother asking how Patton knew, Patton tended to sense these things. He numbly felt Patton’s arms wrap around him. “Anxiety, he will be a prince looking for his love, you won’t be able to leave without him finding you and making sure you’re ok. And you’re a huge part of Thomas, we need you. You’re part of what makes Thomas...Thomas.”

Virgil gathered himself. “Thomas will be better without me. As for Roman…” he choked again, unable to continue. He took some steadying breaths, refusing to let himself cry. “He’ll have to forget about me. About us.”

Patton’s eyes widened. “Anxiety. No.” He was tearing up now. “You can’t do that to him!”

Virgil had a unique ability that only Patton knew about. After extreme attacks, Virgil could take away certain memories from the other sides to help them recover quicker. He would only ever take their memories of the attack (essentially Thomas would blackout, not remembering what he did or said during the attack), never anything major. Until now.

“It’s for his own safety!” Virgil cried, “He put himself in danger trying to find me just now!”

“Anxiety, you can’t do this to yourself or to him. It’s not fair!”

Virgil just stared at him blankly. “I have to, Patton.” He turned back to the still asleep Logan, and pressed a finger to his temple, erasing the last hour. Facing Patton again, he said softly, “You can’t remember this, either.” Patton said nothing and did not move, just stared at him sadly. Virgil almost wished he’d yell or protest, but Patton trusted everyone completely. Even him. This was somehow worse. Patton closed his eyes as Virgil reached up, erasing his memory of their conversation and of the pain he was in.

Virgil was gone before he opened them again.

Virgil crept back to Roman’s room, tears streaming down his face the whole way. He was taking from Roman everything they had built. Disney karaoke, music jam sessions, late night comforting, playful arguments, everything.

Roman was still asleep, which meant Virgil could do this quickly. He hated goodbyes. He stared at Roman for a moment, brushing his hair away from his face. Roman hated when his hair got into his face. Virgil bent down, lips pressing to Roman’s forehead one last time.

Roman’s eyes fluttered open slightly, and he smiled sleepily at Virgil. “I love you, Virge.” he said simply before falling asleep again. Virgil suddenly realized that Roman would forget his name too. He would forget that he’d been the one to name him.

He inhaled sharply, and took away Roman’s memories of him quickly. He rushed back to his own room quickly, sobbing heavily as soon as he got there.

***********************

EPILOGUE

“Hey, Patton?” Virgil entered Patton’s room carefully.

“Hey, Virgil!” Patton smiled. Virgil smiled uncertainly. He was still getting used to the others knowing his name, but Patton was delighted to be able to address him more personally.

“You know how I can take away some of you guys’ memories?” Virgil looked at his feet, shuffling nervously.

Patton got quiet. Virgil chanced a look at him to see his face had grown serious. “Yeah?”

Virgil breathed in deeply. “Is there a way to give them back?”

Patton beamed at him. “You’re gonna give Roman back his memories of you?”

Virgil had long since given up trying to figure out how Patton got his information. Patton was much smarter than any of them gave him credit for, which was probably why Logan seemed to appreciate him a little more.

“I’m gonna try. If I can. Is it possible?” Since Patton was their memory superhighway, Virgil figured he’d know more about it than Virgil did.

“Of course it is. You return them exactly the same way as you take them away. You’ve just never tried to return them before,” Patton stated simply. Virgil sprinted away immediately.

Roman was in his room. He shot him a confused look. “What are you doing here?”

Virgil could barely contain his smile. Before Roman could react, he quickly reached up to his temple, returning all of their memories, all of their love for each other.

Roman gasped sharply, instantly pulling Virgil into a tight hug. “I can’t believe you left me, don’t ever do that again!”

Virgil gave a choked laugh. “I promise I won’t.”

Roman pulled away, staring at him. “And promise you won’t touch my memories of you ever again.”

Virgil kissed Roman’s forehead. “I promise.”


End file.
